Mr. Thomas Speaks...

... in other news Gloria Allred was retained by Trans fat in it's defamation lawsuit against every dietitian in the world. Film @ 6 & 11

Treat your lady like she's everything to you...women bang him until he walks funny. Battle of the sexes OVER! Now...on to climate change...

When you lower your expectations, make sure whatever you're lowering them for has already hit rock bottom! (You know who you are don't you?)

NOTHING good EVER happens in a public bathroom. Damned cops, security cameras, high price of chloroform and....wait...what?

My friend is Chinese & learned English from a guy with an English accent. I TRIED to do an impression of him & my mouth started bleeding.

If you + gun is so unintimidating that you HAVE TO "Pistol Whip" people, remember...in prison, you'll have no gun. Enjoy the "Train" a-hole.

Good news for ladies with High Blood Pressure...I've got low sodium testicles! Slurp away! Thanks in advance.

I get the same thrill writing a clean joke that I do writing the dirty ones. I'm maturing. I've got to put a stop to that.... sh!t!

The worst place to be the victim of a bait and switch is the champagne room. I'm told...by others...who are not me...SHUT UP!