The S. Man Says...

I am nowhere near retirement age, but I WOULD consider it, if I could be put out to stud.

You are everybody's buddy until you express an opinion. Then...half hate you & half love you. I'm OK with that. It saves me money on gifts.

This bird in my hand feels like two in your bush. #makinginnocentthingsdirty

I lead a purpose driven life. My purpose? Get as much *Points to wallet* & *Points to her junk* as possible from you. #Badweddingvows

Ladies, use the carrot, not the stick. Don't deny sex when we're bad, bang us when we're good. Do that and you'll have a fully trained man.

Why is it that I cannot eat anything with plastic utensils without feeling like I'm going to have to guard my lunch money?