The S. Man Says...

I went to a dating party, I left early. I was too damned loud. I couldn't hear anything with all of those biological clocks ticking!

Irresponsible use of a fire alarm...creative way to get a better parking space....

To-"MAY"-to...To-"MAH"-to.

To me everyday is International Woman’s Day. Really. (Editors Note: When I'm in a relationship, this attitude gets me laid alot!! )

Healthcare crisis solved! I'm going to try to get dual American/Canadian citizenship. Take that special interest groups & racist protesters!

A lady was selling PDA's. I...uh...misunderstood. I would like to thank the nice lady selling the Blackberry for not calling the cops.

There's tons of drugs in the water because people flush pills. That's why dogs drink from the toilet, they're getting high! Slick bastards!

My right hand wants to "Just be friends"

To impress women, I show them the fingernail marks on the back of my head.

Kegel exercises are for punks and wimps. I did junk curls at the gym last night! Yeah! In other news, re-constructive surgery hurts...