The S. Man Sayeth...

Edible panties are a waste of time. It's like having a delicious warm cupcake in front of you and wasting time licking the wrapper.

On next seasons "Most Dangerous Jobs"...Swedish cartoonist....

Kissed the girls and made them cry? Apparently, Georgie Porgie had halitosis.

If you could lick your genitals, would you? Really, you would? Well since you can't reach yours, would you do mine instead? #Badpickuplines

You were in your mom for 9 months, I was only in her for 90 minutes...but don't worry...I'll catch up to you soon! #fightingwords

I'd get laid more if roofies were cheaper. #lastthingsaidbeforeyoudecidetoendthefriendship

Even as awful as my ex was there are times...those special moments when I miss her. Who am I kidding? I just miss the guaranteed booty.

My ex girlfriends dog always dove into women's "laps". I always had to be the one who removed him. (Editor note: Dogs noses taste funny)

An iphone app that controls things in your home? I'll be watching the news to see who'll have the first "Hacked house" Hello George Orwell!