The S. Man Says...

Kitchen sinks must be pretty valuable, because people always throw everything BUT that at you.

Ever seen that Axe deodorant commercial? Double pits to chesty? That's how I begin my foreplay...of course I continue on to ass..nevermind.

If Sherri Shepherd's boobs had their own show...I would watch religiously.

Hey, breaking news on the Today show!!!!! Charlie sheen likes drugs and f*cking!!! Who knew?

Walmart is too far from my house, so I'm going to just watch Jerry Springer instead.

A message to those "No money down" stores. Do you know what else isn't down? My real name on the credit card slip.

Ladies, we are very simple. (1)Bang us (2) *thinking*....uh...(2) *thinking*.....(2).... I'll get back to you...

Our junk is like a wild animal, safe if fed regularly...but don't let it get too hungry with your sisters ass looking like that..wait, what?

I'm doing a new workout designed to increase my "Pimp slap" power. Cut me off in traffic or call me after midnight at home if you dare.....

Why do they advertise him as "Academy award winning director" Roman Polanski as if that's what he's most known for now?

If I was a doctor that performed vasectomies, I'd put my office next to a family restaurant. Who needs billboards?

How do people get turned on by being tied up & spanked? Really, tell me because I want to know how to get this lady to let me do it to her.

Why did my ex think it was cute when THE CAT got her a dead mouse? I thought that was what she liked...so...