Friday, March 5, 2010

The S. Man Says...

Try my new invention, "The meth head tooth cozy". Why get your false teeth broken when your dealer stomps you in the street? Keep em' safe!!

For the record, if you wear a beer hat...someone should knock you out and give your liver to someone responsible. That is all.

Could we all agree to replace the phrase "Never sh*t where you eat" with "Dating in the office is a bad idea"...please? Just saying...

Dancing with the Stars is this generation's "Love Boat" (Google it you young mofo's!!!!)

I'll be back a little later, these hookers aren't gonna duct tape and lick themselves. Wait, uh...what? YOU HEARD NOTHING! UNDERSTAND!?!

We are thisclose to having commercials for commercials in commercials. Enough already!!!! STFU!!!!

Some guys like when women make noise in bed. I prefer the applause and the bottomless post sex interview with Hannah Storm.

My Oscar predictions: I won't give a f*ck & I won't be watching. That is all!

Bluetooth, build a filter that turns idiotic conversations that I can't help but overhear into something interesting! Killer app alert!

Officer, my drivers license is in the back pocket...of my pants...which are at DON'T want me to get out of the car now?

Overheard two ladies rehearsing the fights that they'll be having with their husbands that night. That's why they always win!! Practice!

Our coach pats our crotches instead our asses after good plays. He says it's his dyslexia, but...the tongue in the ear?...I smell a scam!

I can't order "swordfish" at a restaurant without getting a titanium hard erection. Thanks for making me look like a perv Halle Berry!!!

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