Portion control people...portion control. Don't try to stop cold turkey. It works. I'm down to 3 hookers per week! *Pats own back*
Donate your old bluetooth headset to a homeless person talking to his/herself, it'll stop them from being stared at. Show them you care.
Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses, trying to fool me with that fake Census Form...it was a dead giveaway when that Watchtower Magazine fell out!
I know that it's been too long since I've had sex when a "Dancing with the Stars" promo comes on and I think... "Doesn't look too bad..."