I've got to stop watching adult films. The last woman that I slept with was freaked out by my giving a thumbs up to a non existent camera...
I don't have any "baby mama's" (sic)...but I have "baby aunties" (sic)...I think I'm doing something wrong.... ;-)
My balls are green today. (Editors Note: They're always green...but I only acknowledge it on this holiday.) Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!
Paper or Plastic? #checkyourplasticsurgeonslicensemoreclosely
Have you ever high fived someone and at that moment realize that it would be best if the next thing that your hand touch be soap?
Very slick airlines....bags are free, but if you want to SIT in your seat it's $50...peeing $15 and of course landing is extra...
Any blind date that involves pre-date warnings and the word unibrow, means it's time to punch the friend that set you up in the neck.