The S. Man Says...

I have never had a bad day that included an orgasm....except that time when the cops...nevermind.

I'd rather have a skin tag than wear a name tag.

Public housing, public transportation, public restrooms...I guess "Public" means "Things that smell like piss"

Imagine how much money NOAH could make as a professional closet organizer.

"Bio-oil" sounds like a euphemism for semen.

If anyone finds the person that had the appetite that was used to determine "one serving"...tell them to get "Gulliver's" autograph for me.

It should be called Baby "Watching" not Baby "Sitting". I'm not going to explain why...but, well I won't be asked to do it again.

I'm going to add a new phrase to the language... "Liberty Bell-ing" That's what I call it when you stare at the crack of someone's ass.

I'm thinking...there would be even less people willing to fill out the form if it was called the "Common Census" #soundalikehumor

I have found a happy medium between loving everyone AND not really giving a crap. Jealous?... Thought so.