Yeah, I Said It!

Women always have errands for you when they see you. I remember my ex going "Get this car off of ME!" You see? "ME" Can I finish sleeping?

I don't feel like getting up to change the channel or go get new batteries. I need to get someone pregnant so the kid can do it. Ladies?

I've never actually been happy about it ending...so...time for a name change. Call it " Ahhhhhh! Whew!...more please!" It's more accurate.

No shirt, no shoes, no service? Well the jokes on you, I don't want any service. I'm just gonna sit here bottomless till my balls dry.

Why is everyone worrying about making weed legal? Do YOU know anyone that's been arrested for buying it? Didn't think so.

I use google maps street view to see where the best looking hookers are standing. Thanks Google! China...you messed up big time!

The only person happy about the Sandra Bullock mess...is the lucky fu*ker who is the next 2 sleep with her. I wish it was me. I'm faithful.

No, he didn't lick his finger and hold it up to check the wind direction. He's letting us know that he made up with his girlfriend.