I'm Just Saying...

Save money, don't get a vasectomy, date cougars!

I like my women like I like my coffee hot and in my mouth.

I like my women like I like my coffee hot and between my legs while i'm driving.

I want gays to be able to get married. Not just because it's the right thing to do but I'm tired of mistakenly asking out lipstick lesbians.

They shouldn't call it "Court Ordered Visitation" It sounds like you DON'T want to see the kid. What? You don't?...that's low man...

The only thing worse than backseat drivers is "Trunk Drivers" with their "Let me out take me home!" Shut up, you should have paid me back!

One of my friends' doctors told him he overproduces testosterone, so I told him to watch "The Bachelor". Problem solved.

I made a mistake at karaoke and sang a song on key...luckily the angry mob was as bad at throwing things as they are at singing.

Medical marijuana...check, coming soon....medical booty?....Please?