I'm Just Saying...

Psychiatric Exam and IQ test before marriages...hell, before dating too...who's with me?

ARSON IS ILLEGAL!?!....Uh, I'll be right back, I've got to call something off!

This bathroom attendant is a little overzealous. I can shake "it" myself. Also, I am not in the bathroom.

Instead of putting "The Boot" on peoples cars, the parking authority would make MORE money if they sold them...they kick "The Club"'s ass!!!

Ran into the guy who carjacked me. He had no gun this time. He "fell" down the stairs. Big brother isn't everywhere yet. I was with you. OK?

I told my new lady that I love her. She didn't say anything back. Ouch! Oh, damn...I should probably take the duct tape off of her mouth.

Is it a bad sign when your date is watching CSI, looking angrily at you, taking notes AND THEN SMILING KNOWINGLY....

Just found my long lost dad. Note to self, always write down where you hide the bodies.

No officer, I have not had one drink...just these brownies...your face is melting...

Bad news, I may have lost my car insurance. Good news, that Geico lizard tastes good with rice and onions.