Alright, since everyone is telling on themselves, I have a confession. I have had sex with MORE than 15 waitresses. Take that Tiger Woods!
What is the sound of one hand clapping? What if it made contact with a womans' butt U didn't know? What is the sound of handcuffs closing?
Every woman I date wants plastic surgery. I'm strongly against it. I mean it is MY nose.
The only thing missing from your back fat is nipples. #whenthedozensgotoofar
Ever call out the wrong name? Ever make a mistake and drive to the wrong city and get someones sister pregnant? It could happen to anybody!
My last few ex girlfriends are like a Benetton ad. Glossy, multicolored and 2 dimensional.
When thousands of people light their lighters at a concert, do you think that's like porno to a pyromaniac if he's in the crowd?
My neighbors' dog keeps circling trying to catch his tail. Why? So I ran out there and bit him on the tail. It's actually quite nice.
I had to give my cousin some advice for keeping her Roomba® from killing her dog. Step one: Don't throw the Roomba® at the dog......