I'm Just Saying...

Seeing your woman get a colonoscopy is like finding out that your favorite restaurant had a secret VIP room that you weren't invited to....

Tiger Woods in : Waiting To Exhale (White Woman Edition)

Kids notice things. My niece: Uncle S., why do all of your girlfriends call you "John" and asks for $50? Me: Hey, your mom's here!...

Do not get Botox below the waist. Apparently smooth balls freak women out.

Forget the "Morning After Pill" I want a "Moment Before Pill"....you know what, I'd probably regret f**king U 2morrow so...I'm gonna leave.

I had better get a date soon. I just went to the post office just to watch women lick stamps....

"Going Commando" means no underwear? Well, i'd like to apologize to the people that ran screaming from the mall and to S.W.A.T.... My bad.

It's amazing what can happen in a couple decades. The guys who were break dancing on cardboard boxes are living in them now.

Sir please step out of the car for your sobriety test. "I'm not drunk." Sir, I'm looking right at your date. Nice try.