You'd figure that a car so expensive that you'd want to take up two parking places, would have a more scratch resistant paint. Well, I guest he didn't spring for the "pissed off woman who had to walk an extra 100 yards with two mischievous kids carrying metal objects" package. Oh well...

Whoa! You do anal, but you WON'T let me have my way with your armpit fat!?! You're weird...and this relationship is OVER!
- Things no one has ever said

She's less of FAN and more of a VACUUM.

Stars, a question...reality show or dancing competition? Your answer tells us all how far you've fallen...

Self help books burn pretty easily. Apparently pretentiousness is an accelerant. That being said, tell your mom to be more careful when she smokes.

Dear old racist guy that used the "N" word because he didn't see me...I'm going to ask your daughter to call me that while I'm in her.

I would soooooo powerbang "The Nanny"

Tiger has begun winning. I was wondering why this waitress said "Nah, keep your tip baby!"

I would love to see a tow truck with “The Boot” on all four of it’s tires.

I want to “Flour Bomb” Kim K. (Editors Note: I’m really saying that I want to have sex with her)