Ladies, raise your hands if you didn't know about my shaved armpit fetish....

...aw yeah...keep them just like that....

*takes picture*


Waitress, I just went and "effed" myself like you suggested...I don't see how that's going to solve my problem. I still need the salt.

"Put that anywhere."
- Hookers

How trustworthy am I? Women let me tie them up on the first date and BELIEVE I'm coming back after I bang them and leave with their purses.

Wear WOMEN'S underwear, me? I didn't break into those places and steal those panties just to put them on and stretch them out! I mean, what?

If your girlfriend likes DECAF, don't dip your genitals in regular coffee, you're just asking to be rejected.

 No one gives a shit. See, now that you know that, life is a little easier isn't it?

I DID NOT win the Mega Millions jackpot. Well, send my mail to Monte Carlo, I'll be in the gold plated house full of bisexual nymphos.