Hey teens, if you have sex...you might have kids. Write that down so you don't forget it.
You're welcome.

Trent Lott was afraid to admit that he doesn't believe in evolution on Hardball. And you say there's no good comedy on TV.

I wish that I was a rich enough comedian to endorse Romney even though I know that he blows.

Special message to ALL talking heads, not having a college degree isn't an excuse to be a bigot or lack intellectual curiosity. Ya dig?

"Hahaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! "
- ANYONE who hears that Palin challenged Obama to a debate

10% say he's a Christian.

42% say he's a Muslim.

48% say that they aren't Sure.

90% of everyone asked want to say nigger but know better.