Officer, the sign says no RIGHT turns on red, as you can see, I made a LEFT turn. Don't believe me? Wake up the guy I hit and ask him.

See what happens when you give people lifetime jobs, with massive power, in a corrupt system? #supremecourt

Now that we've protested the "Government takeover of healthcare", let's protest inserting things into unwilling women! Hey! Come back!

I have finally, after months of hard work, filled my spray bottle with house cat sweat. Guy who won't wipe off the gym equipment...it's on!

Dear people of ALL colors, S. Anthony loves you. If you're a woman, S. Anthony ALSO wants to get it on with you daily. Yup.

...not when you're on your period though.

Breaking News! Government officials will be stationed at the polls with a paper bag....for a certain test. Yes black people...it's back.

Boobs taste good, even WITHOUT the pepper jack cheese.
(How to save calories during sex)

I'm an only child...in 5...4...3...

Your sisters, bet I don't eat just one.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, but indifference, you've got to heat that shit up.