Coffee that tastes like a woman after a shower would make BILLIONS... unless she uses deodorant soap, then that shit would suck.

"Really? Really?"
- the person losing the argument badly

If people go on a long rants and forget what they were about, I tell them "Eastern Philosophy"...then their heads explode like in Scanners.

Okay, we know that you're throwing the election now Mr Santorum. Either that or you're just nuts. Huh? This is the SAME guy that got blown out of office in PA in 2006? Oh, then he is nuts.

Dear Mr Santorum, go suck something that rhymes with the shortened version of your first name.

If you fuck a black person it doesn't mean you're NOT racist. I did your mom and it DOESN'T mean that I'm blind or lost my sense of smell.

I know that good things are happening for me when the cheating ex calls, I know things are even better when I don't care. Things are great.

Who cares if a woman has a bunch of tattoos? When she's handcuffed to the headboard and covered in baking soda, who's gonna see them?

Damn girl, do you pick the guys you date by thumbing through the prisoner photos on the wall of the liquor store?

Oh yeah Mr Limbaugh, well then we want to see tapes of YOU having se.... never mind, I'll just buy ipecac syrup.

Ever fail to open a jar, have the woman do it, realize she's stronger than you and make you her love slave? Uh, anyone into role playing?

Dear people that haven't noticed that I tend to post jokes and other weirdness....stop taking this shit LITERALLY!