Randomness...

Maturity sucks. A 21yr old wanted to sleep with me and I said "No". Believe that! I said "No, now give me my clothes back so I can go home!"

They now have "Lojack" for seniors so they don't wander away. I'm glad, because I WAS using "The Club". My dad didn't like that.

2012 will not be the end of the world, it will be a re-release of Earth, Wind & Fires' "Way of the World" Sorry for the confusion.

Swine flu is now H1N1. Ok, from now on stabbing is JX17. Think that makes it better?... Sir?...sir?...sir? Nope. Call 911 for him please.

Ran into a girl that broke my heart back in high school. If anybody asks, my car was stolen and I was with you all night. Thanks.

It is illegal to smoke in a public library, even if it's after sex.