Randomness...

I am now AWAKE. In more ways than one.

Ladies if you make a sex tape, save your angry ex some time and put it on the web yourself. You know that's where it's going anyway...

I saw some kids on bikes jumping over friends prostrate between two ramps and I thought...ah...I remember when I was a young moron....

...you wanna destroy me?....nah, sit down I've got it. (A helpful person with low self esteem)

Why do they need so much blood for routine tests? Did they hire vampires who won't take cash as the late night cleaning crew?

"I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad" is the new number one single in the U.S. by the hot new group "Oedipus"

How old is too old to have the words "Hannah Montana" tattooed on your forehead? Just asking.

I saw two guys get into a plastic knife fight. I beat both of their asses with a whiffle ball bat.

Judging by the commercials on right now, I'm 4 diseases behind the average viewer. I'd better get started...Cigarettes, Beers & Lard please!