I'm Just Saying...

People are outraged by Adam Lambert? In Hollywood? I've been to parties where he'd be the wallflower....or not even get in...too square!!!

I've been in so many bad relationships that I'm extremely low maintenance now. Basically...just don't shoot at me....with LIVE ammo.

President Obama pardons a turkey, Dick Cheney shoots it in the face. Film at 11!

Black Friday is crap. Get up at 5am to fight through a crowd for the right to buy something? Hell no! Dance monkeys..Dance!

Dance to the beat of your own drummer is a politically correct way to say "Imitate the mentally ill guy on the subway platform"

Automatic doors are to doormen what illegal aliens are to American born landscapers.

No cellphones while driving, no drinking, no texting. Boring. Thank god for Sudoku.

Retail thieves, every store has video cameras. You are going to

jail. Is getting a job really worse than daily forced anal to you?

My last girlfriend is CYBERSTALKING me. No hiding in a car or

stealing my underwear. That's the lack of commitment that got

you dumped hon.