Randomness...

The coat check lady just gave me a coat much better than mine, so I'll be leaving quickly now.

A message to the people that create the ads on Facebook. No human women have breasts as large as the Photoshop enhanced women you continue to place on the left of my page. If you really did a good job of targeting your ads you would notice that I'm a brutha and therefore I am more interested in delicious buttocks than large busts. Consider yourself informed.

NO ARMPIT HAIR!!!! You know who I'm talking to.

A friend of mine said something bad about Oprah. He immediately burst into flames. You've been warned.

For men, a bad girlfriend is a marriage "Flu Shot"

Offline Spam--► "What are you eating?", "Can I bum a cigarette?" Offline Delete-► SHUT THE HELL UP!

A Stromboli is nothing but a Pizza for people too lazy to walk their asses back to the table for another slice. You lazy mofos'

Home invaders, are you in a hurry? You can't wait until they leave? It's not like you're gonna be late for work!