Randomness...

Snuggies now come in different designs. Their new slogan "That's right, we're not finished with you yet douche bags!"

Last night some lady slipped a date rejection drug in my beer.

Some say the glass is half full, some say half empty, I say "Try harder to make it to the bathroom dude!"

Some guy today gave me one of those bone crunching handshakes. After the handshake I body slammed him... who's stronger now?!

I'm suing somebody. I bought a universal remote and it just controls my TV. My ex-girlfriend won't mute and "certain things" don't slow down!