Hand sanitizer....silently telling strangers that you think they're disgusting pigs since 1988

Remember when a "Media Whore" was a person who needed attention and not an accurate description of the media itself? #OccupytheMedia

Since my TV pitch didn't get purchased, I'm going to knock up several violent young women....hey, SPRINGER IS TELEVISION TOO! Don't judge me!

Gingrich Unveils Alternative To Social Security In NH His "Die miserably while ignored" plan gets IMMEDIATE backing from Rand Paul... Film at 6


YOU drink coffee in the morning, I drink coffee at NIGHT...and STILL get my sleep.
Caffeine is SCARED OF ME!!!!! Yeah! I'm the man!



Angry unidentified pedestrian:

"You are occupying the city, I'm tired of it and I hope they throw you out!"

Occupy protester:

"I really am sorry for the inconvenience sir, but we're doing this to help all of us...including people like you"

Angry unidentified pedestrian:

"Whatever lady...."

Super rich guy watching from his personalized blimp:

*in the Mr Burns voice from the Simpsons* "Excellent!"

So, just as there might be BIG defense cuts...spys get caught and we may have to use military force. Conspiracy theorists.....GO!

I'm going to name my FIRST hour special "Pepper spray and Tasers". I DARE you to not give me a "Standing O" *grabs pepper spray & taser*

Had "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield LOUD in my car.
The dope boys on the corner bobbed their heads.
Too bad 80's rock can't stop bullets.

No congressman, I don't think you want ME to call you.