Could someone do my thinking for me? I'm sick of critical thinking and wanting the best for myself. Huh? Fox news is on line one? Cool!

Whoever invents boob flavored coffee...will be the worlds FIRST Trillionaire...and MY hero.

‎"What!?! You were SERIOUS with HER!?! We though that you were only OUR hoe!" - The Koch Brothers after finding out about Herman Cain's 13 year affair

It’s funny how you can LOVE a TV show, or even a person… one little change happens, like a time slot change or a move across town and you go “Eh, I’ll get to it or get to him/her”…and NEVER do. Thus my relationship with Criminal Minds and my cousin Jim.

Had sex last night. Apparently I'm still great at it. Also, hookers DO have discount cards. Next time I get a free prostate milking! Yay!

I don't like Facebook's new colonoscopy app. A little intrusive.

I have decided that I'll pee directly on my NEXT woman's butt cheeks ...and just end that "Toilet seat" argument FOREVER! Yeah, me = genius!

I don't have a strong body odor, so to fit in with the rest of you I rub myself against sleeping homeless people. Yeah, THAT'S why...

Thanks for washing my car god.

Don't worry world, I've learned not to expect much....for now.

I want to do the "fingers in my ears la la la I can't hear you" thing as an adult in a serious situation just to see people's reaction.