Anyone have a time machine I can borrow? I need to keep bullies from dunking Grover Norquist's head in the toilet. You know it happened. I mean, to be such a mean spirited turd, something must have fucked him up.

I am so embarrassed right now. This lady caught me sneaking a peek at her boobs. She yelled at me and made it WORSE. "How did you get in my shower you freak!?!" What an ego on her. I was stalking HER ROOMMATE. Ha! Jokes on her. With her Ashy knees, she should be flattered...

MY dream? To marry the token black lady that's ALWAYS off to the side in national "night out on the town with my girls" TV commercials.