Cellulite, stretch marks blah blah blah. I’m a straight man. Do you have girl parts? Okay then, we’re good.”
—  ALL men who aren't ass wipes. Yes, all 14 of us. (Sorry to throw you under the bus guys…but I DON’T want to be in YOU.)

"My relationship With Obama Has Grown 'Frosty" - John Boehner
"It's better than our non existent relationship John!" - Facts & reality

The next teen or twenty something that blurts out random rap lyrics to me in lieu of conversation is getting triangle choked. Dig?

Never say this to a woman. You will get injured: “Girl, I’ll work that booty so hard your stretch marks will look start to look like my signature!”

I just heard a commercial for a product that tried to take advantage of the 99% movement. Feel free impulsive fringe to smash their windows.

I just watched the Blair Witch Project again, but I watched it at 32x normal speed so that ghost would kill those annoying ass kids quicker.


The Headline: 'Liz Cheney Weighs In On Herman Cain Harassment Scandal'
-- MY first thought "I don't give a nano fuck what she thinks"

Ever suggest something gross and kinky to a lady and not only was she cool with it...she had the devices in her drawer? You'd think I'd be weirded out by that but nope, I was okay with it.