If any of my former girlfriends release one of our old sex tapes I want "This is how we do it" to be on the soundtrack album.

So, window washing fluid is NOT the captured urine of widow washers who haven't lost their fear of heights? I guess I am the weird one.

Hi voters, there are people in the government that don't care if your fellow citizens live or die...probably wanna do something about that.

So, in retrospect setting my phone to camcorder mode and taping it to my shoe was BAD idea...as was being bottomless.

A hooker who takes coupons is a hooker with a heart of gold.

Hey ex, the next woman I sleep with thanks you. If I can turn a frigid shrew into a leg shaking screamer, a woman with a soul will be easy.

Well, I guess those were NOT sea shells she was selling down by the seashore...unless you were using the worlds worst euphemism.

Uh, couples that are REALLY happy don't have to be so loud and obnoxious about their love via cellphone. The clock is ticking ass wipes.

Hey ex, the next woman I sleep with thanks you. If I can turn a frigid shrew into a leg shaking screamer, a woman with a soul will be easy.