5 times today I was almost hit by people driving while on their cellphones. Where's the police brutality when you need it?

You're right nutritionist lady, these salads are much better than cheese steaks. Are you going to recommend low pleasure vaginas next?

Women, stop trying to be hot with the banana eating etc. We immediately imagine doing 100's of disgusting things to you. Save your energy.

...the secret ingredient? Shaved toenails! (The punchline that was passed over before they decided on "The Aristocrats!"...good choice)

It hurts to lose contact with friends, but with distance physically, comes distance emotionally. Well, back in the basement with you.