I was everything she wanted but RICH, he was rich but not ME. I WILL be rich, he'll NEVER be ME. Nope, don't want you back. *BLOCKS NUMBER*

If anal ever gets really popular, Maury will have NO guests.

Mike Vick wants a dog? Really? You should avoid being in the same sentence with that word. You shouldn't even walk past Randy Jackson bro.

Hey, cellphone companies, I'm not on the bomb squad. It's okay if the lame email jokes get to me one second later. Relax with all the "G's".

Special message to the moron that tailgated me for 4 miles on the icy, slick road...I sooo hope to see you on the news later tonight.