Yup. I said it....

Hey girl, what's your name? Oh, let me take off this duct tape & remove the ball gag. So? Wow!... I've never met anyone named "Help police!"

No, I had nothing planned. I'd love to drive you around to finish crap that you should have done already. Enjoy self carnal knowledge!

Why would you think just because I said be ready at 9:15 that I meant it? Enjoy your just started bath...here's some music *Throws in radio*

"Hey...these balls aren't going to slurp, kiss, lick and empty themselves. Let's go!" #thesexualharrassmentseminarwasawasteoftime

A guy was going to shoot up the DMV today but the wait in line for people who want to shoot it up was so long that they all went home.

New teen drivers in the family want to borrow my car...so, who do I care the least about? Here's the keys...It was nice knowing you...

Why is it that only obnoxious and stupid people have extremely LOUD conversations? I've never overheard anything useful, but who to avoid.

They say no matter how beautiful a woman is, someone is tired of screwing her. I have never been that person.

Factoring in my melanin count....I'm just going to have to assume that I must have had blue balls at some point.

Anyone that can get angry within an hour of having an orgasm... is a potential psychopath. Hi ex girlfriend who I AM NOT talking about...