Talking Points...

When you shave and then put on spray deodorant, it burns. My balls are on fire. FYI, those two sentences have nothing to do with each other.

I thinking about creating a "Smell my finger" spray for when you can't get any but you want to shut your friends the hell up.

If you don't believe that semen has moisturizing qualities...then we've never shaken hands...a friend said...who is NOT me...

Some friendships much like milk have an expiration date, and a sour smell, and have a picture of a missing kid on their back and wait, what?

....avoiding my family since 2011. Shhh! They don't know yet....

Why delete my Facebook account? I mean, YOU didn't put your REAL info there did you? Ha! I'm really a 75 year old white lady named Gertrude.

To those who have hurt me, remember Karma is a bitch...and by bitch I mean my pissed, PCP addicted, hyperactive pit bull! Get 'em girl!

I just Dutch ovened myself. I need a girlfriend....badly. Oh, I need her for sex too.

Can we make people that complain endlessly about their last relationship on a date spend 1 week in jail...or have to do anal? Just asking.