I'm resuming my "How to juggle plugged in radios while bathing" class. Requirements? You have to be someone I don't like to attend.
Someone please invent a "Pimp slap lazy Susan" Don't you wish that you had one? There are so many people I want to slap the hell out of.
Is it a bad sign, when cooking for your relatives, to laugh maniacally and think “This is my chance!”…well?
Hey girl, were you sitting on a fire hydrant or are you happy to see me? What? Eww, that's gross. Go to the doctor or something.
Ladies,don't tell your friends the gross things I do to YOU in bed! They're either not going to look ME in the eye or bang me AGAIN...What?
25% of women say they've done ANAL . 50% of them knowingly. Keep your drink in sight ladies. Keep your drink in sight.
The games on “Minute to Win it” look like the crap they do to you as you pledge a fraternity…a really lame fraternity. Alpha Delta Douche bag.
Sorry, I went too far. I'm very, very sorry. (Just practicing for some undetermined time in the future. It WILL be necessary. Trust me.)
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