Awww yeah....

When I get old, I'm not going to have plastic surgery. Weed should be legal by then...I'll just smoke away the pain of losing my looks.

I would go back downstairs and watch golf with everyone, but watching this dog outside trying to bite his own ass is much more entertaining.

I like my women like I like my hair...shaved, wet and around my neck.

I don't need an erection pill. Is there a pill that can make her reliving a 5hr fight with her mother tolerable? I'll pay double for that!

Please, if the police ask for DNA and say "Open your mouth" DON'T pull down your pants and say "YOU first baby" Exposed junk = easy target.

My car is my panic room.

(Hyperbolic description of the size, beauty and performance of my junk) I'm tired. YOU write nice stuff about my junk while I rest. Thanks.

The tricks on you failed subway pickpocket. You just gave a hand job to a stranger. Thanks. FYI, you weren't bad. See you tomorrow I hope.