Hey, I'm talking here!...

My doctor had her finger up my...uh... ladies, if you want to stick to just two inputs from now on... fine with me.

Making some calls to see if I can unload some relatives before the trading deadline. No kids, I DON'T need farm system help. Maybe a teen...

I've got some Phillies tickets to sell to any willing exhibitionist with a taser fetish. Cash only. ;-)

"Put a cap on it" applies to oil rigs and teen boys...because one big spill will give you a result that you will have to deal with forever.

Teenagers, I hate to tell you....but YOU DIDN'T invent fu*king! Just wanted to let you know.

Watch someone’s kids for a week straight…THEN ask yourself if that vasectomy is TOO expensive. Oh, so you’re selling your car now huh? Thought so.

Oh. My. God. Am I the only one that notices that life is just as boring and predictable as these lame assed sitcoms on TV now?

My doctor gave me a digital rectal exam and a hernia check simultaneously...uh, why was I dreading this? I mean, it was awful...

I laughed out loud at a political commercial in my doctors office. They sound different to you if you're informed & make your own decisions.

Cardboard No. Delicious yes. (I can't wait for the adult film parody of that commercial)