The S. Man Says...

My junk tastes like chocolate. It's not what you think...I was TOLD that! SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE weird!!! SHUT UP!!

"Fetish" has a negative connotation, not fair. She spilled ice cream in her armpit and it took me 45 min to lick it out. Problem?

I wish someone would invent a clock that tells people when they've over stayed their welcome.

Hey, THEY weren't specific enough about what they meant by "SACK RACE!!" They're just angry that I won!! Give me my pants back please!

One of my friends is a nympho and the other is asexual. When they shook hands they burst into flames. They'll be missed. (The nympho more.)

Last night in a lonely moment...I missed my cheating ex. My advise...always account for the wind when taking a shot from that distance.

DO NOT go to a topless bar bottomless, they WILL NOT get the irony or the joke.

How many ass whippings does a pick pocket take before they get good at it?