The S. Man Says...

Forget sexting. I'm texturbating now! Yeah, I took it to another level...because I'm the man!!!!

My Penises nickname?... "Pleasant Surprise!"

Objects in this mirror much larger than they appear....and thus another accidental cocaine over dose officer.

Thanks to that "political group", when I squat over a lady and repeatedly dip my balls in her mouth...I feel...I don't know...dirty...

Interesting...at Mardi Gras, titties get you beads...the funny thing is if the titties stay out too long...you get a pearl necklace...

It's like you can't pick up a woman at a bar in Vegas without her being a high priced hooker. I'm not complaining, it's more of a heads up.

Watching American Idol is like watching gymnastics, you wait for their age to pop up on the screen before you allow yourself to get a boner.