Just a thought...

I have this strong feeling in my gut that I want to be a husband and father. I must now quickly watch some porno to cleanse my mind.

Why do I still find Maury funny? It probably has to do with the fact that he's been on TV 20 plus years and people still call him "Murray"

Damn, I really wish that they would nominate eleven films instead of just ten for best film. If they did, my recent movie “Testing this new camera” would have made it!

Some people wait until the end of the year to make a new years resolution. Not me, I’m already making the bad decisions, that will cause the problems, that will make next years resolutions a must. Yeah, I’m a go getter.

When someone fishes for complements, I don't bite. I see what happens to the fish when they're on the hook. A club to the head. No thanks.

Is there a titty flavored chapstick? Or was my ex just using it to shine up her boobs without telling me?

Does a 69 on a crowded park bench cross the PDA line?

Recipe for creating a stalker....45min of cunnilingus followed by 45 minutes of penis. Don't do it. Just saying. You have been warned.

¡ǝ1buɐ sıɥʇ ɯoɹɟ poob ʞoo1 noʎ