S. Anthony Says...

I like my women like I like my coffee, hot, black, .99cents and sometimes spilled in the parking lot of my local 7-11. #regretthisonealready

I've just signed the waiver. Ladies, feel free to sexually harass me.

Hello beautiful, may I buy you another glass of "makes me more attractive juice?"

If I were all powerful, politicians would get explosive diarrhea whenever they lied.

If you think that the snow was tough to shovel out of D.C...

It's tough to approach a pretty woman at a table full of them. What eases my mind is knowing I'll scream "You have herpes!" if she says no.

I'm a little confused. Is passive aggressive behavior when you pass someone and then hit them in the head when they're not looking? ;-)

Apparently when my date said we were going to eat chicken SHE DIDN'T mean sexually. Awkward.

Damn it! - My stalker is not using the latest spy equipment. She’s embarrassing me with the other victims. You can’t get a good picture of me sleeping with just 4 megapixels. She’d better step it up or I’m closing the blinds!

Cheating Ex just called. Not only wasn’t the grass greener…but the blades weren’t of comparable quality. Hmm. Too bad.