A Few Words From The S. Man...

My stalker is getting lazy again. Now she wants me to mail blackmail pictures of myself S.A.SE. so she can sign them and mail them back.

Don't shoot the messenger. Follow him back and shoot the person that sent the message.

Who needs reality shows when I have...Uh, a person has spy cameras. My neighbor has a cute butt...and she has my lawnmower! That liar!!

I accidently caught some of "The Bachelor" and not only did brain cells die, they died of auto erotic asphyxiation.

That healthcare summit yesterday looked like a custody battle between two parents who are each shouting "No...you take him" "NO...YOU!"

I've got so much drywall dust in my hair I look like I've been standing under a 7 foot cokehead, or had a girlfriend with vaginal dandruff.

Just spent the whole day helping a friend lay carpet and hang drywall....even as a euphemism today sucked!

I have a sad sack friend who has every stock he buys crash. I'm gonna loan him money to buy healthcare stocks. Take that you evil mofos!

I wish milk always came out of titties...I slurp on them endlessly anyway...but wouldn't it be nice.