S. Anthony Says...

Memorize when your woman's period is and start spoiling her two days early. #ifyouwanttoliveorhavesexeveragain

Is it wrong to think "Jackpot!!" when you see pretty young woman buying the morning after pill and smiling?

I'm in the mirror right now practicing my "Oh, I didn't know my fly is open" face. (Editors note: I know it's open.)

Ladies did you know that giving me daily booty is the cure for several major illnesses? *thinking*...are they buying this? God I hope so!

A dog is mans best friend....oh...that explains why he's humping your girlfriends leg...wait, what?

Mac vs PC. Said quickly that sounds like the name of a 70's era blacksploitation porno movie doesn't it?

Just got back from a long trip to Lowe's. I didn't know the store was named after the mood & esteem of the cashier I got.

While everyone else was playing spin the bottle, me and the girl that drank the contents of the bottle were in the closet screwing.

Her: Where do you get off?... Him: *Points to her genitals* Her: *Laughing* What am I going to do with you? Him: *Points to the bedroom*...

If I ever marry an Ice skater and you come to my house to visit...call first because I will be constantly bottomless. Those ladies are hot!!