March: In like a lion, out like a lamb
Congress: In like phony, out like a felon

Normally, I don't use the word "pussy" in a joke, but I hear that "bad boys get the most puss...sex, so I'm trying to fit in.

I want nothing from you, I want something IN you. (Buy something I mean my penis)
...that wasn't a typo. I have become a male prostitute.
...cash only. (No coins smart asses, they're uncomfortable to carry in my underwear)

Women, why doesn't it turn YOU on to watch US shave things?

If I eat ice cream cake off of a woman's sweet butt, that's not going to ruin my new dietary lifestyle change is it? Cause I'm still gonna.

You CAN'T eat 20 chicken nuggets. You think you can...you can't. At least you can't and get in MY car. Catch the bus Farty Mcpukesalot.

Open ended questions usually lead to the opening of a cliff. So when someone asks you one, close your mouth.