I wonder what the next social media site that we ignore each other on will be.

Guys don't know this...women that will lick you anywhere are basically asking you to marry them. And you're nuts if you don't. Nuts tee hee.

So, I guess no one can see the little blue check that I have on my twitter account just because it's only glued to MY screen, huh?

If you're outraged by the stupid shit Fox News says, do what I do to the urine soaked raving guys on subways. Hold your nose and walk away.

You've been using that teeth whitening gel and your teeth are really white. Ironic that your black teeth are all in the back now. RACIST!!

Dear teens, incense = mom and dad please burst into my room angry. You're welcome.

Want to see a woman's eyes roll to the back of her head as she screams?
Either let ME get it on with her... or make her watch the NFL Draft

Okay dude, you wipe your butt with your towel and THEN wipe down the bench? Ok. Hope you like what we ALL did to your gymbag. One-upmanship!

I wish porno directors would stop booking those guys with the tiny genitals in the films. Now women are going to expect ME to be that small.

Dear Youtube, how about making videos "Not available in this country" etc, not visible? You know, like someone who ISN'T a douche would do.