Friday, April 6, 2012

*in the mirror practicing my NEW who gives a damn facial expressions*

Amanda Bynes. Drunk driving arrest. Me. Less guilty about wanting to get it on with her. Just kidding, I never felt guilty about that.

Every time I see or hear from that wacky named National Committee Chairman, I think..."Where do they get these Mickey Mouse motherfuckers?"

How to win friends and influence people
- Books at the top of the "Rick Santorum read and do the exact opposite" list

*Woman crosses the street, looks at me about to turn the corner and assumes that I’m looking at her ass*

Her: What the fuck you lookin’ at?

Me (From car) “Oncoming traffic”

Her ”Yeah right!”

*A car blasts it’s horn as it swerves around her. It scares her*

Me “Maybe YOU should have been doing that too.”

Her “So you weren’t? Sorry…”

Me “No problem.”

*She walks away, but this time, I DO look at her ass*

Me (As I turn the corner) *under my breath* “Yum”
I love when people honk at you...then realize they were being assholes...then try not looking at you. NO! I'm following you. Look at me!

This thrust is sponsored by Pepsi, this one by General Motors. this one....
- Google Condoms

This guy looks like he converted to your religion just to get his feet washed.

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