If saying stupid crap was illegal, the 112th congress would have to put on berets, paint their faces white and try to escape invisible boxes.

Are you guys ready for another semi dirty joke based on something that really happened today?

Ok...The hot lady at the donut shop asked if I wanted a girlfriend. Like her donuts, soon she'll be covered in chocolate and filled with cream!

At a certain size, get rid of the leash and pick the dog up...either way we'll still think that you're a punk for having a dog that small.

Gotta go, I'm taking a relative home from the hospital. My relative? No. YOUR business...also NO. DON'T JUDGE ME DAMMIT!

I love when women say “Kiss my ass”….because I sooooo will. But I will no stop at that…

Yes, I’m very popular with the ladies… Trust me.

Don't let your teeth whitening tray fall into your uncovered lap. The aftermath is...hard to explain...

Hey famous people, you know that thing where you dump the spouse that liked you for you and marry some new Hollywood type. Works well huh?