In an HD television world, someone please tell news anchors to use a hair dye that actually COULD spring forth from a human head. Thanks.

They make education hard to get, screw up healthcare & jobs...then charge you at every turn. Damn, does EVERYTHING have to be about money?

Is it mandatory that unfunny ex cast members of SNL become homophobic, racist, uniformed morons? Just asking...

I took my mom and aunt to walmart today...so YES those are rope burns around my neck.

Solar powered animal repeller? Nah, I have bricks in MY backyard.

I could read when I was a baby too. I'm here now...still wanna buy that "My baby can read" sh*t!?! Didn't think so.

How long have I been doing comedy? Long enough to remember getting in trouble for doing the type of things people LOVE on Family Guy now.