PLEASE explain to teens that order pizza from YOUR house that they MUST tip! I don't want ANGRY DRIVER'S BODY FLUIDS to be my free topping.

A smart lawyer could make tons of money representing women with small/medium asses in a class action suit against hip hop video makers.

Unlike that punk tortoise, when I catch "the hare"... I'm going to talk MUCH sh!t.

Going to the doctor's office Wednesday morning to get a finger inserted in my anus so she can check my prostate. An appointment? No... an "Understanding"? Yes.

My narcissism is at the Mendoza line. I'm narcissistic enough to think that people will be interested in what I write, but NOT enough to pay attention to whether people actually do or not...

That's how it works, right?

Who cares? Back to ME!!!!!!!

I wish I could get paid to tweet like the stars do, especially about my LOVE for Subway® sandwiches, Trojan® Condoms and Rihanna's Ass®!

I would LOVE to be Esperanza Spalding's upright Bass.

Celebrity Apprentice = Celebrities desperate for attention. The NEW show title should be "Really, It's come to THIS?"