Breaking Fake News! Wisconsin working to make it ILLEGAL for ANYONE NOT a BILLIONAIRE to speak unless spoken to. Film @6 & 11!

I use POWER STICK deodorant. That's right. Draw from that what you will ladies.

For ME to break up with Jessica Biel (aka voluntarily stop putting my penis in her) I would have to SEE her shooting at my mom.

Draconian laws AGAINST lying on the news would be great...wait, that'd clear more cable space for reality shows...DAMN! No winning here!

Where are the jobs Mr Boehner? What do I need this travel brochure for? Oh.

I'll take candy away from the babies later, I'm taking their healthcare & education now... but I'll be back! - 112th congress/NEW Governors

My nephews are here this weekend, I'm going to create a household surplus by not feeding them or letting them use the toilet. #scottwalker

"Death Wish 2" just came on. The character Bronson plays looks like he MAY have anger issues.

Today's movie lesson...dudes in old movies CANNOT fight. I would so kick a cowboy's ass...

Come on girl, get outta that bathroom! Man, she's gonna be in there until 1990! - Every 70's black sitcom

What the hell are these black people doing HERE? - every 50's sitcom (Edited out for syndication)

We don't exist. - every 30's sitcom