One of my neighbors always asks to fix my car whenever he thinks that I'm going for a repair. I want to say "You can't even fix your pants!"

I'm going to look for my next girlfriend in a yoga class. There's something about a sweaty, out of breath, flexible woman that is....RIGHT.

If you're a person of your word NEVER promise yourself that you'll workout BEFORE going to bed no matter what. Trust me.

...but wait! There's MORE! Order NOW, and we'll send you a second one thus getting this crap out of our warehouse twice as fast!

I call "The Buddha" ..."The". Yeah, I'm the man.

"Hide in plain sight" soooo DOESN'T work. Alright, I've got to wash these eggs off of me....damned kids!

Some of these movies coming out now should change their names to "This movie blows" That's what people are going to say anyway.